L-R: Laurie Sargent, Mike Denneen, Carl Coletti, Patrick Newberry, Manny Verzosa, Johnny Cunningham, Tom Dube, and Mike Rivard, circa 1989.

“the idea of having to write this is difficult to wrap my head around.  it’s completly absurd.
there are people who become part of my life.  it is not based on the time i’ve known them, but how they leave their mark on me.
their imprint.
with everyday forward, whether i am in contact with them or not, they have become a part of who i am, and a part of
me they will always be.
lisa will always be.”

these are things that always, ALWAYS make me think of her:
prefab sprout
aca joe = aca lisa
nesop
being patti smith to her robert mapplethorpe (i wouldn’t let just anyone photograph me in a speedo)
whenever i trip or do something klutzy
leica cameras
chinese food.  she never failed to have it stuck to her face.

things about lisa i love:
the fact that she was so often the ‘third wheel’ to her coupled friends, but ultimately she’s the one who got it right. (so she learned from all our mistakes or we taught her well, you decide).
eating with her always ended up with her spilling something on herself, or having food hanging off her face.  (see chinese food above)
glasses always too big for her face
she embraced her inner freak as well as mine.
she’s a mother who unconditionally loved and made her daughter her world.
she’s the epitome of an unconditional friend.

Gift of November

Verse 1

Photos of farmers, bulls, bunnies, and barn-cats,
And songs of the seasons and songs of the sky
Darkened horizons, obscured without reasons
We question and wonder, but can never know why

Chorus

We will cry, and we will remember
And we will press on after such a strong start
We will raise up, your gift of November
And carry your love in our hearts

Verse 2

Easter egg colors, and stones in the water
And talking with kittens and cousins named Lu
A bath and a story, an auction on Ebay
A home full of beauty so old yet so new

Chorus
Chorus
Verse 3

Photos of first steps so fearless and fragile
A poem and a vision, so hopeful and true
A mother, a daughter, a sister, a lover
A wife and a friend with so much left to do
A wife and a friend, we’ll keep sweet memories too
A wife and a friend, oh Lisa, we love you

Our friend, Lisa Garner died this morning.

Anne Cowie, Lisa’s sister-in-law, called to share the news, which has left us in a state of shock.

She has a wonderful family, including her daughter Kiki and husband Ron Cowie. We are so sad this has happened and there are so many of us who will miss her.

A delightful woman with such creativity and love, Lisa touched our lives. At a time when we were trying so hard to have our baby, she gave us hope through stories of her own struggle to conceive and give birth.

For many summers, we traveled to Rhode Island to the Fish House and stayed with Anne and assorted friends. Lisa and Ron lived nearby so we always got to spend time with them and looked forward to it. During the summer of 2006 while pregnant with Seger, we stayed at the “Compound” before heading up to Cape Cod. The morning we left to drive to the Cape, Lisa and Kiki climbed into bed with Jo and me, and Lisa told us her story of giving birth to Kiki. Flipping page by page through an album she assembled of photos Ron had taken to document Kiki’s arrival, I was struck by the wonderful love and support Lisa got from Ron and Anne as she labored. Lisa was brave when she gave birth to Kiki. I remember thinking that I hoped to be that brave when our child was born. We also talked of the loss of her mother and shared stories of being motherless daughters. Now sadly, Kiki is one of us.

Our son Seger was born on March 7, 2007, and Lisa was among the first to congratulate us. She and her family were coming to meet Seger for the first time this Spring. She had just recently said to Anne how excited she was to be coming and how she was looking forward to meeting him. We are unbelieveably sad that she never got the chance.

Lisa will be missed.

We gathered in the paddock between Ron, Dee and Larry’s houses where Linda, Lisa’s mother is also, making a wide arch around the flower bed and a easel with two photographs, one a portrait of Lisa and Linda and another of a raven taking off by Keith Carter that Ron had given Lisa for their wedding.

Reverend Keith Magee, who married Lisa and Ron just a few years ago, led the service with a prayer and some readings. Nic Johnson from NESOP spoke about Lisa’s under acknowledged talent as a photographer and the way that she worked with colleagues and students. “No one ever said that they had a bad experience with Lisa.” He announced that a show of her work would be held at the school next Spring. Beth Breslauer, who was a friend and roommate of Lisa’s for 7 years gave a voice for Lisa’s friends, sharing stories and anecdotes. Then Ron spoke about Lisa and what she meant to him and Robert, Ron’s brother, sang for Lisa. Reverend Magee, who also knew Lisa from NESOP, spoke about her gentleness, spirituality and ability to listen and be.

I wish that I could do more than just summarize each speech and instead put into words how each speaker evoked an aspect of Lisa and the loss that each felt, but I’m not that talented. I can only say that together they expressed Lisa from five sides and each of us there expanded that from our own experiences with her to form a complete realization of Lisa in our hearts and minds. And a lot of us cried.

Gathering closer to the flower bed we watched as Ron placed Lisa’s ashes in the ground near her mother.

After the ceremony there were hugs and tears, recognitions and greetings, acknowledgements and reconciliations as we slowly made our way from the paddock to lunch. Lisa has made friends in many places and from many groups in her life and they were all represented. I can’t imagine that I was the only person there who saw old friends that I hadn’t been with in years or forgave and were forgiven for past arguments. We got it Lisa we’re sticking together.

We sat in the grass with friends and talked about Lisa and caught ourselves up with each other and watched Kiki in the purple butterfly costume that she changed into run and play with her cousins. Some gradually left and others lingered to have our faces turned red in the spring sun, share stories and look at new work until the dishes were put away and the tables were stacked and Ron had watered the garden. Until finally we said goodbye to each other. And we left the celebration that shouldn’t have been yet, but that we didn’t want to end.

For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Beth. Lisa and I were great friends for over 20 years, and were roommates for 7 of those years. We were extremely close and I loved her very, very much.

Ron asked me to speak on behalf of Lisa’s friends and this is by far the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do. How does one even begin to pay tribute to one so precious, so unique, so indescribably wonderful as Lisa? It was absolutely impossible not to adore her which is why she had so many devoted friends.

I’d like to quite simply take a few minutes to share some of the things that Angelica & Thomas, Alejandra & Isabella, JW, Cinde, Allison and I – loved about Lisa and will always remember, and a handful of select stories that always make us smile. Chances are you’ll see your Lisa in our stories and memories.

We’ll start with friendship….we will always remember Lisa, our dear and loving friend…

Lisa was the epitome of an unconditional friend…inclusive, genuine and kind.

As Cinde wrote, “In her photographs, she captured the imperfect in life and made it artistic. She did the same in relationships. The quirks were celebrated in herself and her friends. It made us feel real and authentic and loved”. And JW put it another way…“She embraced her inner freak as well as mine.” There was such an ease about Lisa. As Allison wrote, “We loved how peaceful and comfortable we felt in her company – which was really about who she was. Together we felt like we were part of one big, extended family…we just were.”

She was there with us for the everyday moments – the millions of small moments that make up a friendship. And she was there for the far more significant ones as well.

For example – Angelica asked Lisa and I to be “birth partners” for the birth of her first child and we agreed – having absolutely no idea what that meant. After Angelica left the room I looked at Lisa and will never forget the deer-in-the-headlights look on her face… what the hell had we gotten ourselves into?! We weren’t doctors! And then hysterical laughter…

But the experience was amazing – seeing Alejandra being born. And it meant so much more to Angelica and Thomas – the photos Lisa took were remarkable. Angelica remembers, “It had a lot to do with the fact that a dear friend was behind the lens and was able to capture the moment that Thomas became a father. It was an undeniable transformation and she got it.” And Lisa did the same for the birth of their second child, Isabella.

We will always remember…Lisa’s abundant creativity…

In addition to her photography Lisa always had some side project going…a hand-sewn quilt, beaded lampshade, hand-crafted suede books and cloth covered photo albums. Or a stuffed animal made completely by eye – test limbs scattered about the loft – Lisa trying to get the proportion of the legs and arms just right.

She made an art out of picking paint colors, crafting picture frames out of scraps of nothing, stringing vintage mardi gras beads into beautiful necklaces and creating hand-made Christmas cards. She was our version of Martha Stewart (or “Maahtha” as she would call her) creating with far more heart and soul…

We will always remember…Lisa’s sly sense of humor that oftentimes snuck up on you when you least expected it…

One of my favorite examples of this – one of my all-time favorite Lisa stories in fact – involved my cat, Luz. Luz is a little black cat and for a time, she was pulling out the hair along both sides of her spine which created two bare, white patches on her back. One day I came home from work and leaned down to greet the cat…and there was a message, written in sharpie, in Lisa’s crazy “all caps” handwriting… “HI BETH!!” Lisa had written on..my..cat.

And sometimes she was funny when she wasn’t really meaning to be. We will always remember…”Lisa-isms”…

Lisa sometimes took creative license with English language pronunciation, causing Thomas to dub her Mrs. Malaprop. We know she was quite sensitive about this so we hesitate to even bring it up…but it was SO LISA. Gazpacho was “Gestapo”; the word Hovering became “Hoovering”; Melcher street turned into “Melchner” street. This one trait was so absolutely endearing. Lisa, forgive us, we had to bring it up. We loved that you did that – it made us smile!!!

We will always remember…Lisa’s quiet determination…

She could be quite determined once she set her mind on something. It might have taken her awhile to get to that point, but once she was there, watch out. Her powers of persuasion were very strong when she set her sites on something…

You may remember the photo Lisa took of her mom and aunt – sitting in the backyard, having tea, stark naked – their private parts discretely covered by strategically placed newspapers. We have no idea what Lisa said to persuade them to strip down to their birthday suits – and I recall that Lisa said they put up quite a fight – but in the end, Lisa got the shot. It is a fantastic photo.

We will always remember…Lisa’s style…

Her passion for beautiful clothing – well crafted garments, fabrics that had a “nice hand” as she would say. But only fashion that could be had at a bargain.

Lisa had honed her skills in Filenes’ Basement – I swear, that girl intuitively knew whenever Barney’s made a dump there – she had radar.

I remember one specific jacket she bought in the Basement – a little burgundy silk shrug. I think it cost $200 which was a fortune back then. She wore that thing around the loft for DAYS. Finally – when it was almost time to return it – she could not resist taking that jacket out for a spin. She tucked in the tags and wore it to a party – if memory serves it was at Allison Evans’ house. The next day it went back to the Basement, but she had had her time with that jacket and it felt GOOOD….

Her crowning achievement in bargain fashion was the $15 skirt that she wore on her wedding day – Angelica had found it at TJ Maxx. Of course Lisa looked like a million bucks.

Her style extended to her home, which was filled with wonderful flea market and antique co-op finds. She created such a warm and inviting environment that we all felt at home in – we will always remember that.

We will also always remember…Lisa in the kitchen…

She was a great cook – an expert in the art of cooking comfort food – using recipes from a bygone era where butter was king and there was absolutely no substitute for heavy cream. She would make great VATS of food – pasta with cream sauce and summer squash, corn chowder, potato salad, tuna salad, pasta salad…it was as if we were all going to go into hiding and she was preparing food to get us through whatever disaster would arise. Either that or a very large picnic. Needless to say she kept her friends well-fed.

We will always remember…Lisa’s love for Ron…

…and how excited Lisa was when she first met him – she wouldn’t stop jabbering about him and dragged us all down to the Miracle Grill – where he was a cook – to check him out. And we were all so happy that Ron truly appreciated the rare find that she was. And Lisa derived so much joy from being a parent. My favorite “Kiki update” email from Lisa sent last year sums it up:

“My daughter is turning into a truck driver. She is here, sitting at the counter with no pants, no diaper or big girl pants – a bare bum if you will. She just farted and is laughing as if it’s the funniest thing that’s ever happened. Had to share!”

And we will always remember…Lisa’s devotion to her family…

It was the family bond that brought her back to Rhode Island to be closer to Linda and Larry and to share the joy that is Kiki with them. And we know that having Dee and her family close by these last few years meant the world to her.

There are so many things we will always remember with great fondness:

Her quirky cuteness that was never self-aware or self-indulgent. Her laugh, her big sneeze, the sound of that big chain of keys that hung around her neck, jingling down the hall.

We will always remember Saturday afternoons trolling antique co-ops and flea markets with her for special finds, and the “Kip’s Bay” dip that she made for every party.

We will always remember her cowboy hat phase, her fly fishing phase and her love for a good bag (Coach, Kate Spade – you name it). And we will always remember her great love for music – and her blues moniker “Gatemouth Garner”.

We will always remember our long talks about life, art, music, photography, design…all the things she loved and we loved too. We will always remember that she needed extra peanut sauce for her Pad Thai.

We loved how her imperfections made her perfect. Her turned-in way of walking, her disheveled hair in the morning, her long, winding, hard-to-follow yet ultimately fascinating stories that were always punctuated with her howling laughter…

We will always remember our walks on the beach, gathering those beautiful white stones. And how she captured our everyday lives on film and somehow made them more beautiful.

And we’ll remember just hanging out, watching Billy Wilder movies, or curling up on the couch with a cup of coffee – talking or not talking – with the ease that a lifetime of friendship brings.

And we will always remember how excited she was – and maybe a bit apprehensive too – to show us her latest work. But we felt so very honored that she trusted us enough to share it.

We will always remember and always, always cherish our Lisa…

Beth Breslauer on behalf of Lisa’s many friends – with contributions from Angelica Brisk, Thomas Trumble, Cyn Lager, JW Winston and Allison Evans.

Sleep, Sleep, dream, dream

I’ll tell you one more tale; the secret light is inside you too right now. It knows us all, forever and always. Just trust, just this once. Let the light dance with you, inside your heart, just this once

For my friend Lisa

D.R.Schervish

Melchner – The street 2 blocks down Summer street that was actually Melcher

Gestapo – Lisa once called the delicious cold tomato soup this instead of Gazpatcho. This one had us howling for days.

Lake Supreme – who knew that this was an alternative for the superlatively named Lake Superior?  Lisa did.  (Thanks for the reminder Heidi!)

Beth Breslauer and Angélica Brisk (loft mates) are putting together stories about Lisa for Kiki. Please share with us any stories or memories or descriptions of Lisa that you would like to share with Kiki. Beth and Angélica will be putting together one book for now and one for later when Kiki is a teen. There will be a section of this blog specifically dedicated to this project. If you have other ideas please share.

Lots of love to all

Angélica and Beth